Why I "still" breastfeed my toddler

I've been struggling with writing this for awhile. Not that I feel the need to explain myself or justify my decision but because it's such an important part of our family.

Olivia will be 16 months at the end of the month. She runs, she talks, she sleeps in a big girl bed, and she breastfeeds. I often get asked why I "still" breastfeed or when I plan on weaning her.

The answer to the latter is easy: I don't know and at this point I plan on letting her wean herself.

The answer to the first is where I struggle finding the right words. Partially because I hate how controversial breastfeeding (read: feeding your baby) seems to be and how taboo breastfeeding a toddler is. And I don't want those who don't breastfeed or have weaned their baby/toddler to think I judge them for that decision. Because I don't.

That being said, the first few things that pop into my head when I think about why I "still" breastfeed are:

It's easy
She's allergic to dairy and hates almond milk (all non water drinks)
It's how she falls asleep
It's the only cuddle time I get
The world average weaning age is 4 (not that I plan on going that long)
There are still amazing benefits
I don't want to wean yet

But over the past few days I have realized the real reasons I still breastfeed.

1. Olivia loves it. It makes her so happy, she giggles right before latching almost every time.

2. I love it. I love that I can nourish my baby with something my body made just for her. I love the quiet cuddles (and crazy gymnastics)

3. She has because a picky eater (as most toddlers tend to do) and I know, no matter what she eats as long as I am eating well she will get all the nutrients she needs to grow and to stay healthy.

Breastfeeding has its challenges but I love it. And I'm so grateful I have an amazing husband who loves me and will defend me from the dirty looks given by strangers and his desire to be there if anyone ever verbally attacks me for breastfeeding Olivia in public so he can "defend our honor" 

One year check up

So today Olivia had her rescan done for her kidney reflux.
Obviously we were hoping she had completely outgrown it and was all better but that's not exactly the case.

A little recap of her issues. When she was 6 weeks old after a week of a crazy high fever and diarrhea and then turning super pale and getting super lethargic she was admitted to the hospital. She had a kidney infection and they didn't know how bad it was, they were talking sepsis or meningitis. (so obviously we started freaking out and thought we were going to lose her) She had a traumatic blood draw, a failed spinal tap and kicked out her iv (that took almost an hour to place because of how dehydrated she was). Three days in the hospital on iv antibiotics and we were sent home. A couple weeks later she had an appointment for a VCUG to check what caused the infection. The test requires a catheter to be put in, her bladder filled with a dye and then a live xray while she is lying on her back being held down. (it was awful)

The results were that she has severe kidney reflux. Her urine back flows into her kidneys everytime she pees which can cause infections. So she has been on a low dose of antibiotics this past year so prevent anymore kidney infections and scarring of the kidneys.

So, the tests today. She had to have a renal ultrasound. Which is not a big deal, but after a few minutes she was over it. But they had a few distractions to keep her occupied. They had a TV set up, we normally don't let her watch TV but it helped her stay still for awhile. They also, had a light up ball and some bubbles.

Then the VCUG, which is awful. So once again Olivia had to lay down on her back, which she hates. They put in a catheter and then used an ace bandage to keep her legs straight and together so she couldn't wiggle or kick out the catheter. Olivia was screaming and crying and trying to get away. It was so sad. They originally wanted to fill her bladder twice but after how hard she was struggling they checked the scan and decided the once was enough. The x-ray is live so we watched it and both of us could see there was still some reflux, then the radiologist told us he saw reflux, but didn't tell us how severe.

We went upstairs to Olivia's urologist to talk about the results. She still has reflux, but the good news! It has improved some, so no surgery! But she has a cyst on her kidney, which most likely is no big deal at all, but they want to have another ultrasound in 6 months to make sure it's not growing. But there is no scarring or damage to her kidneys, so that means she hasn't had an infections we didn't know about.

So what this means: there is a 70% chance that she will grow out of her kidney reflux by age 5. Which is awesome! But that means she needs to be on a small dose of antibiotics everyday until she outgrows it. Which we aren't too keen on but it's better than her getting infections and having kidney damage. It also means every year until it is resolved we have to go back in and have  the tests again to make sure it's continuing to improve and check for scarring/damage to her kidneys.

But, no surgery! Yay!

The reflux doesn't affect her one bit. She has such a big personality. She's super tall, and so smart! We love her a ton and even though we wish she didn't have this defect we are so so grateful that it is improving and she hasn't have anymore infections since that first one. Go Olivia!