Breastfeeding awareness month

August is breastfeeding awareness month. Since I am on my third month of my breastfeeding journey I thought I would share my experience.

It has not been the easiest of things for me.

While I was pregnant I heard so many people talk about how wonderful breastfeeding was and how it came so naturally and on the flip side I heard people talk about how it just didn't work, either they're milk never came in or they didn't make enough of it or their baby just wasn't having it.

I wanted to breastfeed. I was terrified it wouldn't work out for one reason or another but I wanted so badly to be able to do it for the following reasons.
1. My body was made to be able to feed my baby
2. It's the healthiest form of food for baby
3. It helps build a special bond
4. It helps you lose baby weight

Well, everything it was "supposed" to be was not what I experienced.

My body was made to breastfeed my baby

While this is definitely true and luckily I have had no issues with milk supply, it has not been the most natural thing for me. In the beginning Olivia had a horrible latch which lead to me crying every time she ate from pain and dreading her getting hungry which seemed to be every 30 minutes for the first while instead of every 2 to 3 hours like I was told. She is a big eater and even still eats more often than what they say she should for her age. That probably accounts for her being in the 87th percentile for height and weight.

It is the healthiest form of food for baby

Yes this is true.  Breastfed babies tend to get sick less often and have less chance of developing diabetes and obesity later in life.
Cut to Olivia screaming and crying between gulps and having extremely painful gas issues. This milk I make is supposed to be so good for her but it would end in serious struggle and lots of tears. I eventually learned that if I cut out all dairy and eggs she would be better and only sometimes struggle and cry during feedings. (but the ice cream! And mashed potatoes! And cheese! Yeah it sucks sometimes)

It helps build a special bond

I love Olivia. She is my baby, she is funny, and I wouldn't change her for anything but this love I have for her was not developed through feedings. In fact, a lot of night feedings give me anxiety and a few times I've been on the verge of panic attacks. I was asked by a friend if I had fallen asleep nursing yet and the truth is I have never felt relaxed while nursing and most of the time I have to do something to distract myself to keep the anxiety at bay. I don't dread feeding her anymore, and I wouldn't switch to formula or solely pump, even if the girl would take a bottle. But breastfeeding is not how I feel closer to Olivia.

The baby weight
It's gone. I lost all but 5 pounds by six weeks and now I'm down below my prepregnancy weight. I guess that is one upside to not being able to eat dairy ;)

This is my experience with breastfeeding. I guess I feel like there are all these expectations about what it should be, how amazing and natural it is. How it might be hard at the beginning but once you figure it out its the best thing ever but the truth is that's not how it is for everyone. I feel like all those expectations make it really hard on the moms, myself included, that struggle with it in one way or another. It makes it a whole lot easier to give up if it's not the amazing bonding experience that comes so naturally that it's suppose to be. For those mom's who have that experience I say you're the lucky ones. But to those who don't I say try your hardest and if it doesn't work you are no less than a mother. And if you keep going despite your struggles I am right there with you.