Winter is coming

We had our first snow this week and it was awesome. Olivia and I walked John half way to school and it was so much fun. Olivia loved it and was just so excited.
When we got back j we played in it some more and Olivia learned the hard way why it's important to wear gloves. Snow balls and bare hands don't go well together. So now she loves them! Which is great because she would never leave gloved on before and I would always worry about her tiny little hands getting cold.
This first snow has me excited for two things, Christmas and living in Utah for the foreseeable future.
Christmas this year is going to be different. For several reasons we have decided not to go to California and just have Christmas with out little family and while I'm sad we won't see our family and friends and get to escape the freezing cold I'm so excited to start some family traditions and to do Christmas morning just us and Olivia. Also I have started listening to Christmas music and decorating. (don't judge me)

Life update

So clearly I have been slacking in the blog writing category, these past few months have flown by and been crazy busy.

So, here's our life update:
Olivia
She will be 18 months on October 29th (what!?)
She is so energetic and silly and strong-willed
She is majorly obsessed with John and will only fall asleep for him now
Breastfeeding is still going strong
She is still allergic to dairy :(
Her kidney reflux has improved but she's still on antibiotics daily for that
She loves books
She is a wanderer

John
Law school year 2
Less stressed, but more busy
Has a job for summer of 2016 with a law firm outside Salt Lake (that will most likely lead to a job after school is done! Woo-hoo!)
Just turned 27
Amazing, awesome, the best ever

Me (Jeanene)
Mom
Wife
Trying to find a good bread recipe
Got my birthmark removed!
Dreading winter

Why I "still" breastfeed my toddler

I've been struggling with writing this for awhile. Not that I feel the need to explain myself or justify my decision but because it's such an important part of our family.

Olivia will be 16 months at the end of the month. She runs, she talks, she sleeps in a big girl bed, and she breastfeeds. I often get asked why I "still" breastfeed or when I plan on weaning her.

The answer to the latter is easy: I don't know and at this point I plan on letting her wean herself.

The answer to the first is where I struggle finding the right words. Partially because I hate how controversial breastfeeding (read: feeding your baby) seems to be and how taboo breastfeeding a toddler is. And I don't want those who don't breastfeed or have weaned their baby/toddler to think I judge them for that decision. Because I don't.

That being said, the first few things that pop into my head when I think about why I "still" breastfeed are:

It's easy
She's allergic to dairy and hates almond milk (all non water drinks)
It's how she falls asleep
It's the only cuddle time I get
The world average weaning age is 4 (not that I plan on going that long)
There are still amazing benefits
I don't want to wean yet

But over the past few days I have realized the real reasons I still breastfeed.

1. Olivia loves it. It makes her so happy, she giggles right before latching almost every time.

2. I love it. I love that I can nourish my baby with something my body made just for her. I love the quiet cuddles (and crazy gymnastics)

3. She has because a picky eater (as most toddlers tend to do) and I know, no matter what she eats as long as I am eating well she will get all the nutrients she needs to grow and to stay healthy.

Breastfeeding has its challenges but I love it. And I'm so grateful I have an amazing husband who loves me and will defend me from the dirty looks given by strangers and his desire to be there if anyone ever verbally attacks me for breastfeeding Olivia in public so he can "defend our honor" 

One year check up

So today Olivia had her rescan done for her kidney reflux.
Obviously we were hoping she had completely outgrown it and was all better but that's not exactly the case.

A little recap of her issues. When she was 6 weeks old after a week of a crazy high fever and diarrhea and then turning super pale and getting super lethargic she was admitted to the hospital. She had a kidney infection and they didn't know how bad it was, they were talking sepsis or meningitis. (so obviously we started freaking out and thought we were going to lose her) She had a traumatic blood draw, a failed spinal tap and kicked out her iv (that took almost an hour to place because of how dehydrated she was). Three days in the hospital on iv antibiotics and we were sent home. A couple weeks later she had an appointment for a VCUG to check what caused the infection. The test requires a catheter to be put in, her bladder filled with a dye and then a live xray while she is lying on her back being held down. (it was awful)

The results were that she has severe kidney reflux. Her urine back flows into her kidneys everytime she pees which can cause infections. So she has been on a low dose of antibiotics this past year so prevent anymore kidney infections and scarring of the kidneys.

So, the tests today. She had to have a renal ultrasound. Which is not a big deal, but after a few minutes she was over it. But they had a few distractions to keep her occupied. They had a TV set up, we normally don't let her watch TV but it helped her stay still for awhile. They also, had a light up ball and some bubbles.

Then the VCUG, which is awful. So once again Olivia had to lay down on her back, which she hates. They put in a catheter and then used an ace bandage to keep her legs straight and together so she couldn't wiggle or kick out the catheter. Olivia was screaming and crying and trying to get away. It was so sad. They originally wanted to fill her bladder twice but after how hard she was struggling they checked the scan and decided the once was enough. The x-ray is live so we watched it and both of us could see there was still some reflux, then the radiologist told us he saw reflux, but didn't tell us how severe.

We went upstairs to Olivia's urologist to talk about the results. She still has reflux, but the good news! It has improved some, so no surgery! But she has a cyst on her kidney, which most likely is no big deal at all, but they want to have another ultrasound in 6 months to make sure it's not growing. But there is no scarring or damage to her kidneys, so that means she hasn't had an infections we didn't know about.

So what this means: there is a 70% chance that she will grow out of her kidney reflux by age 5. Which is awesome! But that means she needs to be on a small dose of antibiotics everyday until she outgrows it. Which we aren't too keen on but it's better than her getting infections and having kidney damage. It also means every year until it is resolved we have to go back in and have  the tests again to make sure it's continuing to improve and check for scarring/damage to her kidneys.

But, no surgery! Yay!

The reflux doesn't affect her one bit. She has such a big personality. She's super tall, and so smart! We love her a ton and even though we wish she didn't have this defect we are so so grateful that it is improving and she hasn't have anymore infections since that first one. Go Olivia!

"ow-sigh"

Outside. Go out. Shoes on. Let's go.
Say any of these words within ear shot of Olivia and you better be prepared to go outside and spend at least an hour following her around making sure she doesn't eat another Rolly polly or pick every single flower in sight.

Olivia loves being outside. She's obsessed. Besides mama and dada it is her first word, only she says it like this, "ow-sigh" as she is running towards and pointing at the door.

She loves carrying around rocks, sitting in puddles, chasing birds, standing in the wind, and exploring every direction she can go.

She walks and walks and walks. She doesn't seem to get tired, hungry, or grumpy if she's outside. She just explores. Everything is exciting, everything get an excited "ooooo".

It doesn't matter how hot it is, it doesn't matter if it's raining. It's her happy place.

Its months away but I guess I should be prepared to spend this winter "ow-sigh", even if it's snowing and below freezing.

Dancing Queen

We just finished our 2nd week in Texas. There was a crazy thunderstorm last night! Olivia woke up 93759594 times. Also, Texas is humid. I knew that, but man I hate humidity. I just can't handle it. John probably thinks I'm being crazy but it makes me want to crawl out of my skin. But John is loving his internship and tomorrow we are going to the Alamo and Riverwalk!

In the world of Olivia. She's loving being in a new place and exploring this house! She has discovered how to use trashcans. We have found shoes, letters, balls, remotes, strainers, and more in trashcans. Also, she is now a pro at walking. She started walking a few weeks before she turned one and now she basically only walks. She loves balls. She throws and chases them around, I see a future soccer player forming.

The best of all she has discovered dancing! If she hears music, she starts waving her hands around and shaking her bum. It's pretty stinkin adorable.

Also, she has started this thing when I put her on my lap to nurse her she starts kicking her feet like a little happy dance. I love it!

I am Mama

This is my second mother's day as a mother. My first, Olivia was just a week old. I loved her more than anything and I had no idea what I was doing. I knew there were things I absolutely would do, things I would try and fail, and things I would never ever consider, along with things I didn't think I would do that I have.

Now, a year later, I still have no idea what I'm doing. There are things I do that I am all about and no one could convince me of another way. There are (so so many) things I have tried and utterly failed at. There are things I wish I never did and most definitely things I would never do in a million years.

All mother's have those things and they are completely different for all of us. And the thing I've learned is mom's are crazy protective of their parenting style, like mama bear protective. I had heard of "mommy wars" before becoming a mom and turns out they are real. I have been at the receiving end of it and it's pretty disheartening.

Being a mom, although more difficult (and frustrating at times) than I could ever put into words, is one of the best experiences of life. It defines you, which I think is why women get so crazy when it comes to how they raise they're kids. But the thing is no matter how we do it, we need all the support we can get. A few months ago someone said to me, "feed your baby an Avocado or a twinkle 2 years from now they'll probably turn out the same either way". And while I hope Olivia never eats a twinkie isn't it so true?

When I worked at Isabel Patterson child development center we had this phrase we went by, "it takes a village to raise a child". I believed it then and now I know it's true.

The best support I have found besides family is other moms. So the whole mommy wars things makes me so sad. I love my friends who are moms that I can talk to and ask for advice without feeling judged. But I have experienced the opposite for sure.

I think what mothers need is to stand strong in what they believe is best for their children, ask for advice when nothing is working, give advice freely and without judgement. And most importantly seriously don't judge another mom especially when she is doing the best she can. Just because a mom does something differently or you catch her when she is at her wits end doesn't mean she's a bad mom or she thinks you're a bad mom.

Let's just all do the best we know how, the best for our children, and give loving support to one another.

So, this is a glimpse of how I Mama:

I breastfeed and didn't give a bottle. At a year old weaning is no where in our near future.

I nurse to sleep. I do not let her cry it out. Ever.

I tried cloth diapers for awhile but with Olivia's kidney reflux it just wasn't working out. But next baby I will try again.

I baby led wean. No baby food.

Veggies rule our world. Basically no sugar or overly processed foods. (and of course no dairy)

I make all our meals mostly from scratch.

I babywear. Sometimes she loves it, sometimes she hates it.

I try not to use medicine and do alternative, natural healing instead.

Olivia does a combination of sleeping in a crib, sleeping in our bed and sleeping in my arms. (when we get back to Utah she'll have a floor bed)

Olivia doesn't get any screen time. And doesn't have flashy electronic toys.

We read lots. We play, we dance, we go outside.

Happy mother's day to all you amazing moms. You are doing amazing work, you are strong, you are enough.

Texas: the beginning

So we arrived in San Antonio Saturday evening.
The house we are staying at is nice. There are lots of windows, a garden with tons of veggies, a huge yard with trees, and it's out in the country kind of.
The weather has been good so far, it's been cool. There are supposed to be thunderstorms all week and boy is it humid! It's not too bad since it's not that hot yet but it's a change the crazy dryness of Utah.
Church on Sunday was good. Our ward is mostly military families and there are so many kids! I think the primary has something like 144 kids, there are close to 30 in nursery and a bunch of babies.
Today was John's first day. He was super nervous but hopefully it went well. I went to the grocery store today and let me tell you it gave me anxiety! The grocery store was huge! Like almost as big as Costco but with smaller aisles and it was SO crowded! Not so fun. And I usually love grocery shopping so that was a bummer.

Olivia update:
20lbs
30inches
Walking everywhere
Says mama and dada and mimics a lot of what we say
No teeth but in the process of getting two. She has a low fever and is drooling like crazy so hopefully in the next couple days they'll pop through.
Still breastfeeding (n
Eats everything but her favorite right now is strawberries and salmon

One year

One year ago my life changed forever.

On April 28th the contractions I had been having all night, every night for weeks were different and by mid morning I knew why. This time they weren't stopping. Our baby girl was coming!

John and I spent the day together. Walking around downtown Disney, walking around a park, walking around Frys electronics, walking up and down the stairs to a parking structure, and walking around the birthing floor. Just the two of us, talking, laughing, and waiting for our little girl.

Midnight passed my contractions finally got intense and suddenly it was time. About 20 minutes of pushing and there she was April 29, 2014 1:19am, 8 lbs 2 oz, 22 inches long. She was perfect. 9 months of waiting and she was finally in our arms and our lives have been forever changed.

This past year has been terrifying and difficult at times. We learned quickly our little girl has a few health problems and the most strong willed personality I think a baby could possibly have.

It has also been filled with joy and so much laughter. Being a parent is a whole new adventure filled with a whole new set of challenges I could never have imagined. I have struggled to find myself in this new role and with the help of Olivia I myself have become more strong willed (at least when it comes to her).

She is definitely an extrovert. She loves to put on a show. She has no trouble letting us know when she wants something. She loves her daddy and loves giving bear hugs and kisses. 

She has begun to walk and is working on getting teeth. 

She loves getting into absolutely everything. She is curious. If she could I think she would spend all day outside (especially if it's windy).

A year ago my life was forever changed. I became a mother and was blessed with the most amazing little girl.

I love my Olivia Ann Sellers.

Yoga Love

I wrote this post, http://thebabysellers.blogspot.com/2014/09/i-am-runner.html awhile ago about my journey to hating running to becoming a runner.

I still hold to that. I am a runner. I love running and always will. But there are somethings that have changed since moving to Utah. Being a mom, living where there are tons of hills, and high elevation has changed running for me. Pushing a stroller up and down hills and being at a higher elevation make it harder this is true. But what really makes it different is that I used to be able to go out and just run. I could just leave whenever I wanted and stay out as long as I wanted. Now I have to time it right, Olivia needs to be fed and changed. She will only last so long before she is just done with the stroller. SO while I still love running, it is no longer as easy to go out and do whenever I want.

And that's ok. Some days it is too cold to go out with a baby and run. Some days said baby is just having a rough time. Some days I just don't have the time for all the additional necessary steps to running with a baby.

And so Yoga.

I did yoga while I was pregnant and it was amazing. Seriously. If you are pregnant do yoga, I promise it will make you less achy and just make life better. Yes you will feel awkward with your big belly doing all those poses but who cares.

After I had Olivia, no more yoga for me. I went back to running. But like I said it is not always the easiest work out to get in with a baby.

So, one of the law students wife's invited me to go do yoga with her. It was great! Another law wife teaches it at one of the church buildings near by. We all bring our kids/babies and just let them play and we do yoga.

Also, John got me this app for my phone that goes through different yoga sequences, so I can do it at home too! I can pick the type of yoga, the intensity, and the length! It is great! And I have Olivia to add difficulty because she thinks it is hilarious to climb on me when I am trying to hold difficult poses.

Yoga is weird because it is relaxing and difficult all at the same time. It stretches you out, and strengthens your entire body. Seriously people. Yoga. Do it. I used to think it was lame, but it's amazing.

So, now I am a runner and a yogi (yogini?) Whatever I love yoga and running. Go me.

Oh the sunshine

Today Olivia and I spent most of the day outside.
We went to the library this morning for music and story time. Olivia was hilarious. She went to the center of the circle and just waved and smiled and looked around like she was just the best thing. She seriously loves having all the attention on her and definitely has a way of commanding an audience. We went home after and Olivia took a nap. Then we went outside for awhile and played. Then our friend asked if we wanted to go for a run so we went on a nice run talked for awhile after and Olivia and I stayed outside when we got home. She loves being outside. It was a pretty great day until we finally went in for the day and I realized her arms were sunburnt!

They aren't too bad and it doesn't seem to bother her but I feel bad. I should have put sunscreen on her. Because it's been cold enough that we don't spend a ton of time outside I just didn't even think about it. Plus I'm a little nervous she will have a reaction to sun block because her skin is so dang sensitive.

And that thought led me to a spiral of frustration about all her issues. Her skin, her dairy intolerance, her kidneys, her turned out leg, and the most recent the development of breast tissue. I just feel like every month there is something new. And every time we just have to wait and see if she grows out of it or if it's actually more serious. Drives me crazy, makes me feel like everything I do is wrong and nothing is right. I just want her to be healthy and not have to worry whether she's going to have a reaction, or whether she is going to end back up in the hospital from an infection, or whether the antibiotics are going cause long term issues ect ect.

I'm grateful presently none of her issues are too serious and are all manageable. I'm grateful she has such a great personality and can be so happy. She's such a great little girl.

6 weeks till Texas

Well I haven't written in awhile. This semester has been crazy and has gone by super fast! John only has a month left!

6 more week and we will be leaving for Texas! Which means we have 6 weeks to:
-Find someone to take over our lease for our apartment
-Organize all our stuff into what we are taking and what we are leaving
-Get everything we are leaving into a storage unit

And in the midst of all that I am going to California next week for a wedding and baby shower, John has finals, we are going to California for his Sisters wedding, John has a paper to write to try and get onto law review.

AND the day before we leave our little girl turns ONE year old! (SAY WHAT? Yes, it is true. It has almost been a year since she was born. How is that possible, you say? I have NO idea!)

A little update on her.

She loves food. If we are eating, she NEEDS to be eating what we are eating or she will freak out.
She loves to nurse. Seriously, eating has not slowed her down one bit. It's our bonding time.
She loves to play. Wrestling, tickling, crawling around, laughing, getting into EVERYTHING. Yes.
She loves to be outside. She just gets so excited. The sunshine, the wind, the grass, rocks.
She is sleeping like a baby. Meaning she still wakes up several times at night and that is perfectly ok.
She is not yet walking. Probably because her left leg turns out, hopefully she grows out of it. We are currently working on figuring out if it is an actual issue we will need to deal with.
She is still on antibiotics, we will have her tested when we get back from Texas to see if she has outgrown her Kidney issues.


Now for a couple stories.

This morning Olivia woke at 5am to eat. I nursed her and put her back in her crib. She woke up immediately, which either means she's still hungry or she wants to sleep with us. So I nursed her and put her back in her crib, and patted her back for a few minutes. She woke up but stayed laying down (this NEVER happens, if she wakes up she immediately sits up). I kept patting her back and she just laid there "talking" and blowing bubbles. After a while she sat up and grabbed my hand. She kissed it and then she laid back down. This whole process happened 3 or 4 times and then she moved closer to me sat up put her arms up and whined. So I picked her up and took her into our room. She nursed and "talked" some more and then fell asleep. It was the most adorable way to be kept up for an hour at 5am. Usually if she doesn't fall back asleep easily I get frustrated but I had decided not to this time and this is what happened. It was the best.

Sunday after church we decided to go for a walk. We were sitting in a grass field. Olivia was walking around the stroller, using it for support. She kept going around and around and she was just so excited and kept laughing. Then John picked her up and ran across the field put her down and ran back to me. Olivia looked and started crawling as fast as she could towards us. Randomly she would stop, look at us, smile a huge smile, and then continue towards us. When she got to us John did it again and again. She was having SO much fun!


I just love my little family so much. :)

The future

I just finished listening to My Story by Elizabeth Smart. While her whole kidnapping is a terrifying thing to imagine what really hit me was the end.

She is with her family again. One of her brothers apologizes that the last interaction they had before she was taken was him teasing her for something. He promises her no matter what from then on before they said goodbye he would always tell her he loved her.

In that moment it really hit me how much I truly want Olivia to have that special sibling bond.

I've been thinking a lot about when the time comes that we would want another and it terrifies me. There are times I just can't imagine how I would be able to do it. Especially having hyperemesis gravidarum (puking up absolutely anything that enters my stomach until around 20 weeks pregnant, becoming so dehydrated I have to go to the hospital and losing 12 pounds in the process) and having to still care for Olivia. It's scary and thinking about it gives me anxiety (even though it's a few years away).

But after hearing what Elizabeth Smart's brother said to her, I can't imagine robbing Olivia of the opportunity to have that relationship. I'm excited for a few years from now when that relationship can become a reality for her.

P. S. Don't worry, I am most definitely not pregnant nor do we plan on getting pregnant any time soon. These are just things I think about, you know the future.

Daddy love

Olivia loves loves loves her daddy.. Like a lot. She laughs so hard when they play, it's pretty adorable.

Lately when he leaves she cries and reaches out for him. She'll sit by the door and just cry after he's gone. Ilwheb we visit him for lunch and when he comes home at night she races over to him and just smiles so big and is so excited!

I love it.

Also, her first word, "da". Directed right at John. It has happened a few times, we were unsure at first but she is definitely calling him.

Maybe I'm a little jealous but also it's pretty great. I live that even though John has to be gone a lot they still have ever a special bond.

Hard choices

Being a parent means the well being of your child is mostly in your hands. Medical choices are yours to make and those choices directly affect the health of your child.

Olivia was diagnosed with VUR (vesicoureteral reflux; a condition where her urine back flows into her kidneys causing repeated kidney infections) when she was 6 weeks old.

Most babies grow out of it and those who don't get a non invasive surgery to correct it. So the problem either fixes itself or is easily fixed. Sounds great, but the waiting time until it fixes itself or can be fixed is where the choices and the issues can occur.

Anytime you get a kidney infection scar tissue forms; too much scar tissue leads to kidney failure.

So, preventing kidney infections is really important. In Olivia's case the way to prevent it, is with prophylactic antibiotics (a low dose of antibiotics given everyday to prevent infection). It's simple really, we give her antibiotics and she doesn't get infections and her kidneys stay healthy. Sounds simple enough.

The only problem is being on antibiotics causes other issues. Specifically to the gut flora. Our stomach is filled with bacteria, bacteria we need, it's the good kind of bacteria, but antibiotics do not differentiate. It's like chemo in that sense, it kills the cancer cells but also healthy cells too.

Killing off this good bacteria can cause a lot of issues especially with nutrient absorption, and even make you more susceptible to allergies. It can also cause eczema.

Which Olivia has. So what do we do about the eczema? What about the affects of those things?

So many options, so many unknown outcomes. Parenting can be really hard.

Always the exception never the rule.

Since practically the day Olivia was born she has been the exception to every rule we've run into concerning baby things. It makes her different, I can see her strength and determination because of those things, but man does it make things hard sometimes.

Rule:
Most babies love being swaddled, in fact they need it to sleep.
Since around the day after Olivia was born she HATED being swaddled. She would scream and fight until she got out and then would calm down.

Rule:
Always lay your baby on their back to sleep.
Olivia absolutely will not sleep on her back. The first few weeks after she was born we had to sleep with her on us because if we laid her down she would just scream. Finally we figured out, the reason she would only sleep on us was because she needed to sleep on her stomach. To this day she still will only sleep on her stomach.

Rule:
Babies get fevers, it's no big deal it will subside in a few days.
At 6 weeks old Olivia had a fever. It did not go away after a few days. In fact after 6 days Tylenol didn't work keeping it down anymore, she got pale, and delusional. She was dehydrated from having a fever so long and it turned out she had a kidney infections caused by a birth defect called vesicoureteral reflux (vur; her urine back flows into her kidneys every time she pees). Which means everything she pees she is at risk for a kidney infection (which causes scarring and damage to her kidneys). We manage it with a low dose of antibiotics everyday so she's ok for now but not just a fever.

Rule:
Breast milk is best for babies.
True, but Olivia has a milk protein intolerance which means if I consume any dairy my milk causes her digestive tract to become inflamed and produce a ton of mucous causing her to throw up and almost choke on it because it's so thick. (gross I know)

Rule:
Most babies grow out of it by 9 months
Olivia is almost 9 months, she had a few Graham crackers last week and I later realized the very last ingredient was whey, it caused her to spit up a ton.

Rule:
Utah is dry, a lot of babies suffer from eczema, put lotion on 3 times a day and it won't be a problem.
Tried a ton of different lotions, and eczema creams none of them work. Found a cream that works and we use it after every diaper change, bath only a couple times a week, clean and free detergent, long sleeves and pants to limit carpet irritation, humidifier. Still she has eczema spots on her legs and forearms and her cheeks.

Rule:
Diaper rash cream heals diaper rashes
It literally burns Olivia's skin. Luckily she doesn't get rashes often but the only thing that works is cornstarch and coconut oil.

So that's all the negative, but here's the positive.

Rule:
It takes one nurse to hold down a baby while a doctor does a spinal tap.
It took three nurses to hold Olivia and still they couldn't hold her still enough to get a good enough sample. My girl is strong!

Rule:
Babies start crawling between 6 and 10 months
Olivia was crawling at 4 months, sitting at 5, and pulling herself up/walking while holding onto furniture and crawling up stairs at 6 months. Now at almost 9 months she can stand without holding anything, climb up and over John and I to get onto the couch, and slides backwards to get off the couch.
She is determined and independent.

Sometimes Olivia being the "exception to the rule" makes things hard. And I swear there is something new everyday. It makes life pretty interesting.

Poop in the face: motherhood initiation

Today I got poop on my face and stepped in pee.
I have officially been initiated into motherhood.

Here's the story:

1:00pm
Im making lunch for Olivia and I while Olivia plays in the kitchen. I hear the grunting. She's pooping. I decided to finish making lunch to make sure she finishes and then I'll change her.

1:30pm
Finally finished making lunch, forgot about poopy diaper. I eat, Olivia won't eat, she's just throwing her food around and yelling happily.

2:00pm
Finished eating. Then I remember! Poopy diaper, maybe that's why she wasn't eating.
I pick her up to smell her bum because that's what you do when you're a mom and you think your baby has a poopy diaper. (no? That's just me? Whatevs)
Olivia wiggles and bam her bum hits me in the face. It's wet. Why is it wet? Oh crap! Like literally, she exploded! I have poop on my face!
I set her down, she starts crying, I wash my face.

2:05pm
I take all her clothes off. Poop all down her leg. Ah, no don't step on your pants! Poop on her feet.

2:10pm
Start the bath. Leave naked, poop covered baby in the bathroom. Get baby a towel. Baby starts crying. Run back to the bathroom. Baby is crying and standing in her own pee! No, I stepped in it! What is happening?

2:15pm
Baby is in bath giggling. I am cleaning up her pee.

2:20pm
Clean diaper. Clean bathroom floor. Now to clean the poopy kitchen floor. Sweet.

Our birth story

Olivia is nine months old now and I thought it was about time I wrote out our birth story before I forget everything.

I call it "our" birth story because not only is it Olivia's birth, but my birth into motherhood,and John's into fatherhood.

I feel like for me her birth was this long process and then all of a sudden she was coming.

About 3 weeks before Olivia's due date I started having contractions that would last ALL night long about every other night. They were uncomfortable, they were pretty rhythmic, and they got closer together. Many nights they got intense enough that I couldn't sleep and I really thought I was in labor each time, but every morning around eight or nine they would stop.

Two weeks before her due date I had an appointment with my ob. I told her about the contractions and she said they were probably just Braxton hicks (practice contractions that don't lead to any progress). She checked me and was like, "Oh wow! You're 3.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. You're having good contractions. Be proud of the work you're doing." I was shocked. She told me those contractions were the real deal and I would probably have her early.

The contractions continued the next week, but each morning they would stop! It was so annoying! I would have them for like 14 hours and then they would just stop!

A week before her due date I had another appointment. She checked me again and this time 4.5cm dilated! It was exciting and annoying because I just wanted for it to continue so I could have my baby, but my ob told me I was lucky. I was getting through the long part of labor now and once I went into full active labor it would most likely be really fast and I would have more energy.

Four days later 6 o'clock hit and like clock work the contractions started. That night they were especially uncomfortable, I didn't sleep much and when I got up to go to work they were still going strong (which wasn't any different then the past two weeks) but they felt different somehow.

When John woke up I told him I was pretty sure today was the day. We decided to go to work anyway because for two weeks the contractions never made it past 9am. (Oh and we worked together at the time so we could just leave whenever if the time came).

We decided to be on the safe side so we put all our labor stuff in the car, specifically the yoga ball.

We worked in a conference room with a few other people but they weren't there that day which I was so grateful for. By 9 they definitely weren't going away and they were getting closer together! Yay!

I didn't want to leave yet because I didn't want to jinx it. So instead I started doing squats and lunges around the conference table. (in all honesty I should have been resting but I was willing to do anything to keep the contractions going). Around 10:30 we decided to leave. At that point my contractions were about 8 minutes apart.

We debated going home but I was giving birth in Anaheim and I didn't want to end up getting stuck in traffic and give birth in the car! So we drove to Disneyland and walked around downtown Disney for awhile. It was hot but it was fun and randomly I would have to stop for an intense contraction but everything was going fine.

Around 1 or so I started getting hungry. We were trying to figure out where to go that was around there and for some reason I decided on Dennys. I have no idea why but their fries sounded so good. So we went and we ended up having horrible service! The place was practically empty but after they seated us it took 15 minutes and John going and telling then we hadn't been served for them to bring us menus! Crazy. Anyway we ate and then left.

I didn't want to go to the hospital yet but we didn't know where to go. We started driving and found this park, so we got out and started walking around. We were both pretty tired so we laid down in the grass to take a nap.

When I laid down the contractions got REALLY bad so while John continued napping I sat on my yoga ball and the contractions went back to being manageable.

(up until this point they were a little intense but really they weren't bad, I didn't have to really do anything to get myself through the contractions)

So we're in the park and all of a sudden the sprinklers come on! We jump up and ran. I'm sure to anyone watching it was probably hilarious to see someone in labor run as fast as I did.

So we kept walking and then we were on the street side of the park and some guy got hit by a car when he was crossing the street. It freaked me out and my contractions stopped for like 15 minutes. I felt sick and then the cops showed up and they started blocking off the street. And I was like we have to get out of here before we're stuck and I give birth in this park! So we left.

I still didn't want to go to the hospital but we didn't know where else to go. We thought about going to a movie but decided against it. So we started heading over. As we were driving up the street there was a Fry's electronic store next to the hospital so we went there.

It was kind of funny walking around this huge store with people shopping and I could have a baby anytime.

After awhile we left and parked at the hospital. There is this outdoor walking path with gardens and fountains so we walked around and sat in the grass.

I don't know what time it was at that point but I wanted to get things moving so we went to the parking structure and started walking up and down the flights of stairs. At some point my contractions got intense enough that I would have to stop and breath through it. After a few contractions like that John did something that made me laugh so hard. I don't even remember what it was but after that every contraction he had me laughing. I felt like I probably looked crazy but we were having fun.

Around 8.30pm my contractions were about 3 minutes apart so I decided we should go in. They checked me and I was 7cm dilated! Only 3 to go!

So at that point I just walked around the birthing floor and John went to bring our stuff in and call his mom to let her know it was almost time.

While he was gone the contractions started getting super intense. It felt like he was gone so long! When he finally got back we went into my birthing suite. He turned on some music and I got on my yoga ball. I bounced and rotated but it wasn't helping. So I leaned over the ball with my knees on the floor and swayed while John rubbed my back.

That helped but then the contractions got unbearable, they were long, and I could not breath. John tried to get me to focus on my breathing but I just couldn't. The contractions were coming fast and we're strong and so long.

They hooked me up to the monitor to see how baby was doing. She was completely fine but my oxygen levels were low so they gave me an oxygen mask. My contractions were lasting about two minutes, they were peaking for most of it, and it was completely off the chart. And there was only about 30 seconds in between. Even with the oxygen I couldn't breathe.

At this point I felt like I completely lost control. With only 30 seconds between each contraction that lasted 2 minutes I didn't have time to rest or even catch my breath in between. I did not want an epidural but I wasn't sure what to do because I could not breath.

I was debating it but I finally decided to go ahead with the epidural. I needed the break so I could breath so my baby would get the oxygen she needed.

They put it in and said it should start within 5 minutes. 5 minutes went by and nothing. They added in a different serum and waited 10 minutes, still nothing, then one more, and five minutes later it started to work. I could still feel the contractions pretty good but I could breath.

After the epidural was in my mom, Alan, and Gramma showed up. We visited for a half hour or so, I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and woke up breathing hard with the pain starting to get really intense again.

I told John I could feel my feet again and the contractions were getting super intense. He went and told the nurse I could feel my feet and she said that was normal and when he came back I said no tell her the epidural stopped working, the contractions are in full force again. He went and told her and by the time she came in I was back to not being able to breath.

From the time the epidural started working and I woke up feeling my contractions again was about an hour. From the time I woke up to not being able to breath again was probably 3 minutes.

The nurse seemed a little panicky at this point. She didn't know why the epidural stopped working but she checked me and as she checked me my water broke all over her. It was pretty funny actually. And she said well I guess it doesn't matter why it's not working for you because you're fully dilated!

Sweet!

So she called the midwife and started getting things ready. I had the urge to push so I started. John stayed by me the whole time holding my hand. She called the midwife again but she had been pulled into an emergency c-section. She told me to wait to push but I couldn't and beside pushing felt so good and relieved so much pressure!

She kept calling the midwife. I could tell this nurse really didn't want to have to deliver but I didn't care either way. Finally my midwife showed up, she apologized and was surprised I was already pushing. She got ready and came over and within two pushes Olivia's head was crowning!

John was in awe and I was determined within a few pushes her head was out. The cord was wrapped around her neck but her arm was up in between so it was no big deal, a couple more pushes and her body slid out. From starting to push till she was born was about 20 minutes.

They laid her on me and within a minute I delivered the placenta, or more like it delivered itself. I really didn't have to do anything for that. I was just in awe staring at this little baby that was all ours.

She wasn't crying too much which she needed to in order to clear out the mucous from her lung so they brought her over to the warming table. She cried more and coughed up a bunch of mucous. They took that chance to weigh and measure her. 8 lbs 2 oz and 21 inches long.

Then they gave her back to me and cleared the room. And it was just me John and our little Olivia. A family of 3.

I really had wanted a natural birth but I feel like that hour of epidural gave me just enough time to rest so I had energy to push. It gave me just enough relief so I could breath and make sure our baby had the oxygen she needed. And I still feel like I had a natural birth. Once the epidural started working I was already 9.5cm dilated. .5cm was done with the epidural and I pushed without it. So it was almost pointless to have it.

Either way we have an amazing little girl with more determination than I could have ever imagined a baby to have. She's pretty amazing.

Goodbye stuff!

I am not a sentimental person. I don't like keeping "stuff". 

Definition of stuff: anything I don't use on a regular basis.

Luckily, I have a husband who will go along with this.

Since I moved out of my parents in 2008 I have moved eight times. Eight times in 7 years! I hate moving because I hate packing and unpacking and finding new places to put everything. But I also love moving because it means I am forced to go through everything. If it doesn't have a purpose I don't want to lug it around from place to place so I get rid of it. (Just ask John, when we were packing up to move to Utah I had a pile outside our door that we were not keeping! It was great!)

Having a baby makes this hard. She has so much stuff (we are very minimalistic with her and still, so much stuff!) and while a lot of it she doesn't use anymore we probably should keep it. What I hate more than stuff is spending money when I don't have to. If we lose all the baby stuff she doesn't use we will have to buy it again for the next baby. Boo. 

Which brings me to the past few days. I have been organizing (read: getting rid of as much as possible) Olivia's clothes she has grown out of. Leading me on a rampage through our whole apartment. I filled bags with clothes she never wore, were stained, or were ugly, I went through my clothes and did the same (and I'll probably go back through my clothes again). I've gone through our closets and consolidated a lot and bagged up more. I want all the stuff gone!

My plan is to go through everything, which isn't a lot, but there is still too much that we never use that needs to go! 

We are spending the summer in Texas and hopefully will be subletting our apartment to a friend. We are only taking what we absolutely need and I don't want much left in our apartment besides furniture and winter clothes.

So far I have 6 trash bags (bursting full), a huge bin, and a box filled with stuff that we are getting rid of! And that's just from our bedrooms. I still have the hall closet, coat closet, bathroom, and kitchen to go through! 

The Diaper Bandit

So Olivia has this obsession with her dirty diapers... she likes to try and eat them. Pretty gross I know, that's why where we keep the diaper trash can had changed a lot!

Right now we have it over behind the couch in a corner. It's a place we don't really go, and more importantly a place that she never plays and cannot see from the rest of the room.

Well, our smarty pants little girl figured out it was over there so she sneaks over there sometimes to try and binge on her diapers.

Tonight she walked along the couch over to where I keep my purse and kind of reached for my keys and waited for us to see her. When we looked at her and then looked away, she got down and crawled over to a bin we have next to the trash can full of stuff we need to get rid of and started playing with that. When we weren't looking she then went and as fast as she could crawled to the trash can, grabbed a diaper and started crawling around manically (evasive maneuvers?), randomly putting it in her mouth, and kind of giggling/breathing quickly. She was so proud of herself!

Read your baby not the books

This is dedicated to my best friend of 16+ years.

Some of our friends from high school had a mini reunion after Christmas with our husband's, babies, preschooler, and baby belly.

The preggo would be the aforementioned best friend.

She asked for Baby advice and after me saying you're the mom do what works and her saying she still wanted advice, I feel the need to clarify my response.

Before Olivia was born I researched like crazy. (seriously ask my husband)  I researched everything there was to know about pregnancy, birth, and taking care of a baby. I talked to friends with kids about it all. Maybe it was the child development mind of mine or maybe I was just obsessive, either way I read more articles and books about everything baby than anyone could ever imagine. I was prepared.

Then my pregnancy through me for a loop. All the fool proof ways to rid "morning" sickness did not work. I tried everything and still I was throwing up everything that went in my mouth, all day, all night, at least 10 times a day everyday till about 17 weeks.
The rest of my pregnancy followed suit and was pretty miserable with none of the tricks to ease the discomforts working.

I had read more than you can imagine on labor and when it came I thought I was golden (already dilated to almost a 7 when I got to the hospital and barely feeling the contractions). 10 minutes after we were admitted I was literally on the floor with each contraction. They say they only last 1 minute with a few minutes in between, more like 2 minutes with 30 seconds in between and staying at the peak (off the charts) for over a minute. Not what I had read and not what everyone had told me.

She was born, my amazing little girl. We knew the drill, breastfeeding is best, swaddle them to sleep, always on their back to sleep. Well, I'm still nursing but we discovered that nursing was causing her lots of painful gas, no more dairy for mama. She hated being swaddled and to this day will ONLY sleep on her stomach (I know stomach sleeper=death).

At 6 weeks old she had a fever, took her to the er and doctors almost mockingly say just give her Tylenol it's just a fever. A week later she was admitted to the hospital and turns out she has a defect in her kidneys.

It seems as though I have the child that is the exception to almost ever rule. It's challenging but she's great.

That was a bit of a rant but the point is reading all you can and getting all the advice you can is great, it's definitely necessary but it's far better to read your baby than the millions of books that all contradict each other.

When it comes down to it your gut feeling of what to do is what you should go with. You are the mom, meaning you are literally hardwired to keep your baby alive and happy, and only you will know how to do that for your baby. So take what you've read, take what people share with you, do what works throw out what doesn't, be the mom, and don't be afraid to parent the way you want no matter what people think of it.

Oh and her are some tips from me. ;)

Baby wearing is a lifesaver. (I went through 3 different carriers before I found one that Olivia liked but seriously the best)

White noise makers are amazing, especially one with a heart beat. (they have apps, get one I promise you'll use it)

If you can get your baby to take a bottle occasionally it will save your sanity. (not that I have that luxury but I wish I did sometimes)

An old or extra phone case for your phone should be left lying around, better for Baby to chew on that than your actual phone and cause water damage or something

Breathable bumpers for the crib if he moves in his sleep a lot. Better than having a baby wake up screaming because it's arm or leg is stuck and safer than normal bumpers.

Yogurtland spoons make the best baby spoons.

cornstarch mixed with olive oil is an amazing diaper rash cream

Motherhood is insane. And you will feel crazy most days but it's pretty great when you have a baby snuggled up on you. You're going to be a great mom.

Mom's Don't Get Sick Days

The day after Christmas I woke up with a sore throat. By the next evening my head was pounding and I was congested beyond belief. I felt horrible, so I went to sleep early hoping a good night sleep would help. But then I remembered I am a mom, a mom who nurses her baby, a mom who's nursed baby will not for the life of her take a bottle, so when she wakes up at night, I have to get up to feed her. 

Since I was sick and I have the most sympathetic baby ever she decided to wake up to eat 3 times and a few times in between. It was great.

Fast forward two days and I am basically better! 

A few days more, I have a sore throat and my ears itch. 

The next day, my throat hurt SO bad and I had basically completely lost my voice and I felt HORRIBLE. 

Remember that sympathetic baby of mine? GROUCHY!!

The next day, which was yesterday, I still felt pretty awful, I was exhausted, and Olivia was surprisingly happy being independent most the day. So I closed the door that leads from the living room to the rest of the apartment and I laid down and fell asleep while she played. I woke up to her on top of me trying to pull my hair out, which feels great I might add, and saw the disaster she had created. She had pulled every book off the shelf and scattered them all over the room, all her toys were out, and she had gotten ahold of some junk mail and ripped it apart and it was everywhere! While it didn't take more than 5 minutes to clean up it was really surprising to wake up to. 

A few hours later she was mad! She wouldn't take a nap and she was just a grouch. John got home and she was still grumpy, he started dinner and I tried to get her to go down for a nap again even though it was too late for a nap but she just screamed. Then we gave her some orange slices and John made me go lay down. 

Being sick and being a mom don't really go together, especially with a baby. She needs/wants me all the time and doesn't understand that I'm sick. I'm just glad I have an amazing husband that will make me go take a nap while he takes care of things.