Poop in the face: motherhood initiation

Today I got poop on my face and stepped in pee.
I have officially been initiated into motherhood.

Here's the story:

1:00pm
Im making lunch for Olivia and I while Olivia plays in the kitchen. I hear the grunting. She's pooping. I decided to finish making lunch to make sure she finishes and then I'll change her.

1:30pm
Finally finished making lunch, forgot about poopy diaper. I eat, Olivia won't eat, she's just throwing her food around and yelling happily.

2:00pm
Finished eating. Then I remember! Poopy diaper, maybe that's why she wasn't eating.
I pick her up to smell her bum because that's what you do when you're a mom and you think your baby has a poopy diaper. (no? That's just me? Whatevs)
Olivia wiggles and bam her bum hits me in the face. It's wet. Why is it wet? Oh crap! Like literally, she exploded! I have poop on my face!
I set her down, she starts crying, I wash my face.

2:05pm
I take all her clothes off. Poop all down her leg. Ah, no don't step on your pants! Poop on her feet.

2:10pm
Start the bath. Leave naked, poop covered baby in the bathroom. Get baby a towel. Baby starts crying. Run back to the bathroom. Baby is crying and standing in her own pee! No, I stepped in it! What is happening?

2:15pm
Baby is in bath giggling. I am cleaning up her pee.

2:20pm
Clean diaper. Clean bathroom floor. Now to clean the poopy kitchen floor. Sweet.