Hard choices

Being a parent means the well being of your child is mostly in your hands. Medical choices are yours to make and those choices directly affect the health of your child.

Olivia was diagnosed with VUR (vesicoureteral reflux; a condition where her urine back flows into her kidneys causing repeated kidney infections) when she was 6 weeks old.

Most babies grow out of it and those who don't get a non invasive surgery to correct it. So the problem either fixes itself or is easily fixed. Sounds great, but the waiting time until it fixes itself or can be fixed is where the choices and the issues can occur.

Anytime you get a kidney infection scar tissue forms; too much scar tissue leads to kidney failure.

So, preventing kidney infections is really important. In Olivia's case the way to prevent it, is with prophylactic antibiotics (a low dose of antibiotics given everyday to prevent infection). It's simple really, we give her antibiotics and she doesn't get infections and her kidneys stay healthy. Sounds simple enough.

The only problem is being on antibiotics causes other issues. Specifically to the gut flora. Our stomach is filled with bacteria, bacteria we need, it's the good kind of bacteria, but antibiotics do not differentiate. It's like chemo in that sense, it kills the cancer cells but also healthy cells too.

Killing off this good bacteria can cause a lot of issues especially with nutrient absorption, and even make you more susceptible to allergies. It can also cause eczema.

Which Olivia has. So what do we do about the eczema? What about the affects of those things?

So many options, so many unknown outcomes. Parenting can be really hard.

Always the exception never the rule.

Since practically the day Olivia was born she has been the exception to every rule we've run into concerning baby things. It makes her different, I can see her strength and determination because of those things, but man does it make things hard sometimes.

Rule:
Most babies love being swaddled, in fact they need it to sleep.
Since around the day after Olivia was born she HATED being swaddled. She would scream and fight until she got out and then would calm down.

Rule:
Always lay your baby on their back to sleep.
Olivia absolutely will not sleep on her back. The first few weeks after she was born we had to sleep with her on us because if we laid her down she would just scream. Finally we figured out, the reason she would only sleep on us was because she needed to sleep on her stomach. To this day she still will only sleep on her stomach.

Rule:
Babies get fevers, it's no big deal it will subside in a few days.
At 6 weeks old Olivia had a fever. It did not go away after a few days. In fact after 6 days Tylenol didn't work keeping it down anymore, she got pale, and delusional. She was dehydrated from having a fever so long and it turned out she had a kidney infections caused by a birth defect called vesicoureteral reflux (vur; her urine back flows into her kidneys every time she pees). Which means everything she pees she is at risk for a kidney infection (which causes scarring and damage to her kidneys). We manage it with a low dose of antibiotics everyday so she's ok for now but not just a fever.

Rule:
Breast milk is best for babies.
True, but Olivia has a milk protein intolerance which means if I consume any dairy my milk causes her digestive tract to become inflamed and produce a ton of mucous causing her to throw up and almost choke on it because it's so thick. (gross I know)

Rule:
Most babies grow out of it by 9 months
Olivia is almost 9 months, she had a few Graham crackers last week and I later realized the very last ingredient was whey, it caused her to spit up a ton.

Rule:
Utah is dry, a lot of babies suffer from eczema, put lotion on 3 times a day and it won't be a problem.
Tried a ton of different lotions, and eczema creams none of them work. Found a cream that works and we use it after every diaper change, bath only a couple times a week, clean and free detergent, long sleeves and pants to limit carpet irritation, humidifier. Still she has eczema spots on her legs and forearms and her cheeks.

Rule:
Diaper rash cream heals diaper rashes
It literally burns Olivia's skin. Luckily she doesn't get rashes often but the only thing that works is cornstarch and coconut oil.

So that's all the negative, but here's the positive.

Rule:
It takes one nurse to hold down a baby while a doctor does a spinal tap.
It took three nurses to hold Olivia and still they couldn't hold her still enough to get a good enough sample. My girl is strong!

Rule:
Babies start crawling between 6 and 10 months
Olivia was crawling at 4 months, sitting at 5, and pulling herself up/walking while holding onto furniture and crawling up stairs at 6 months. Now at almost 9 months she can stand without holding anything, climb up and over John and I to get onto the couch, and slides backwards to get off the couch.
She is determined and independent.

Sometimes Olivia being the "exception to the rule" makes things hard. And I swear there is something new everyday. It makes life pretty interesting.

Poop in the face: motherhood initiation

Today I got poop on my face and stepped in pee.
I have officially been initiated into motherhood.

Here's the story:

1:00pm
Im making lunch for Olivia and I while Olivia plays in the kitchen. I hear the grunting. She's pooping. I decided to finish making lunch to make sure she finishes and then I'll change her.

1:30pm
Finally finished making lunch, forgot about poopy diaper. I eat, Olivia won't eat, she's just throwing her food around and yelling happily.

2:00pm
Finished eating. Then I remember! Poopy diaper, maybe that's why she wasn't eating.
I pick her up to smell her bum because that's what you do when you're a mom and you think your baby has a poopy diaper. (no? That's just me? Whatevs)
Olivia wiggles and bam her bum hits me in the face. It's wet. Why is it wet? Oh crap! Like literally, she exploded! I have poop on my face!
I set her down, she starts crying, I wash my face.

2:05pm
I take all her clothes off. Poop all down her leg. Ah, no don't step on your pants! Poop on her feet.

2:10pm
Start the bath. Leave naked, poop covered baby in the bathroom. Get baby a towel. Baby starts crying. Run back to the bathroom. Baby is crying and standing in her own pee! No, I stepped in it! What is happening?

2:15pm
Baby is in bath giggling. I am cleaning up her pee.

2:20pm
Clean diaper. Clean bathroom floor. Now to clean the poopy kitchen floor. Sweet.

Our birth story

Olivia is nine months old now and I thought it was about time I wrote out our birth story before I forget everything.

I call it "our" birth story because not only is it Olivia's birth, but my birth into motherhood,and John's into fatherhood.

I feel like for me her birth was this long process and then all of a sudden she was coming.

About 3 weeks before Olivia's due date I started having contractions that would last ALL night long about every other night. They were uncomfortable, they were pretty rhythmic, and they got closer together. Many nights they got intense enough that I couldn't sleep and I really thought I was in labor each time, but every morning around eight or nine they would stop.

Two weeks before her due date I had an appointment with my ob. I told her about the contractions and she said they were probably just Braxton hicks (practice contractions that don't lead to any progress). She checked me and was like, "Oh wow! You're 3.5 cm dilated and 80% effaced. You're having good contractions. Be proud of the work you're doing." I was shocked. She told me those contractions were the real deal and I would probably have her early.

The contractions continued the next week, but each morning they would stop! It was so annoying! I would have them for like 14 hours and then they would just stop!

A week before her due date I had another appointment. She checked me again and this time 4.5cm dilated! It was exciting and annoying because I just wanted for it to continue so I could have my baby, but my ob told me I was lucky. I was getting through the long part of labor now and once I went into full active labor it would most likely be really fast and I would have more energy.

Four days later 6 o'clock hit and like clock work the contractions started. That night they were especially uncomfortable, I didn't sleep much and when I got up to go to work they were still going strong (which wasn't any different then the past two weeks) but they felt different somehow.

When John woke up I told him I was pretty sure today was the day. We decided to go to work anyway because for two weeks the contractions never made it past 9am. (Oh and we worked together at the time so we could just leave whenever if the time came).

We decided to be on the safe side so we put all our labor stuff in the car, specifically the yoga ball.

We worked in a conference room with a few other people but they weren't there that day which I was so grateful for. By 9 they definitely weren't going away and they were getting closer together! Yay!

I didn't want to leave yet because I didn't want to jinx it. So instead I started doing squats and lunges around the conference table. (in all honesty I should have been resting but I was willing to do anything to keep the contractions going). Around 10:30 we decided to leave. At that point my contractions were about 8 minutes apart.

We debated going home but I was giving birth in Anaheim and I didn't want to end up getting stuck in traffic and give birth in the car! So we drove to Disneyland and walked around downtown Disney for awhile. It was hot but it was fun and randomly I would have to stop for an intense contraction but everything was going fine.

Around 1 or so I started getting hungry. We were trying to figure out where to go that was around there and for some reason I decided on Dennys. I have no idea why but their fries sounded so good. So we went and we ended up having horrible service! The place was practically empty but after they seated us it took 15 minutes and John going and telling then we hadn't been served for them to bring us menus! Crazy. Anyway we ate and then left.

I didn't want to go to the hospital yet but we didn't know where to go. We started driving and found this park, so we got out and started walking around. We were both pretty tired so we laid down in the grass to take a nap.

When I laid down the contractions got REALLY bad so while John continued napping I sat on my yoga ball and the contractions went back to being manageable.

(up until this point they were a little intense but really they weren't bad, I didn't have to really do anything to get myself through the contractions)

So we're in the park and all of a sudden the sprinklers come on! We jump up and ran. I'm sure to anyone watching it was probably hilarious to see someone in labor run as fast as I did.

So we kept walking and then we were on the street side of the park and some guy got hit by a car when he was crossing the street. It freaked me out and my contractions stopped for like 15 minutes. I felt sick and then the cops showed up and they started blocking off the street. And I was like we have to get out of here before we're stuck and I give birth in this park! So we left.

I still didn't want to go to the hospital but we didn't know where else to go. We thought about going to a movie but decided against it. So we started heading over. As we were driving up the street there was a Fry's electronic store next to the hospital so we went there.

It was kind of funny walking around this huge store with people shopping and I could have a baby anytime.

After awhile we left and parked at the hospital. There is this outdoor walking path with gardens and fountains so we walked around and sat in the grass.

I don't know what time it was at that point but I wanted to get things moving so we went to the parking structure and started walking up and down the flights of stairs. At some point my contractions got intense enough that I would have to stop and breath through it. After a few contractions like that John did something that made me laugh so hard. I don't even remember what it was but after that every contraction he had me laughing. I felt like I probably looked crazy but we were having fun.

Around 8.30pm my contractions were about 3 minutes apart so I decided we should go in. They checked me and I was 7cm dilated! Only 3 to go!

So at that point I just walked around the birthing floor and John went to bring our stuff in and call his mom to let her know it was almost time.

While he was gone the contractions started getting super intense. It felt like he was gone so long! When he finally got back we went into my birthing suite. He turned on some music and I got on my yoga ball. I bounced and rotated but it wasn't helping. So I leaned over the ball with my knees on the floor and swayed while John rubbed my back.

That helped but then the contractions got unbearable, they were long, and I could not breath. John tried to get me to focus on my breathing but I just couldn't. The contractions were coming fast and we're strong and so long.

They hooked me up to the monitor to see how baby was doing. She was completely fine but my oxygen levels were low so they gave me an oxygen mask. My contractions were lasting about two minutes, they were peaking for most of it, and it was completely off the chart. And there was only about 30 seconds in between. Even with the oxygen I couldn't breathe.

At this point I felt like I completely lost control. With only 30 seconds between each contraction that lasted 2 minutes I didn't have time to rest or even catch my breath in between. I did not want an epidural but I wasn't sure what to do because I could not breath.

I was debating it but I finally decided to go ahead with the epidural. I needed the break so I could breath so my baby would get the oxygen she needed.

They put it in and said it should start within 5 minutes. 5 minutes went by and nothing. They added in a different serum and waited 10 minutes, still nothing, then one more, and five minutes later it started to work. I could still feel the contractions pretty good but I could breath.

After the epidural was in my mom, Alan, and Gramma showed up. We visited for a half hour or so, I fell asleep for about 30 minutes and woke up breathing hard with the pain starting to get really intense again.

I told John I could feel my feet again and the contractions were getting super intense. He went and told the nurse I could feel my feet and she said that was normal and when he came back I said no tell her the epidural stopped working, the contractions are in full force again. He went and told her and by the time she came in I was back to not being able to breath.

From the time the epidural started working and I woke up feeling my contractions again was about an hour. From the time I woke up to not being able to breath again was probably 3 minutes.

The nurse seemed a little panicky at this point. She didn't know why the epidural stopped working but she checked me and as she checked me my water broke all over her. It was pretty funny actually. And she said well I guess it doesn't matter why it's not working for you because you're fully dilated!

Sweet!

So she called the midwife and started getting things ready. I had the urge to push so I started. John stayed by me the whole time holding my hand. She called the midwife again but she had been pulled into an emergency c-section. She told me to wait to push but I couldn't and beside pushing felt so good and relieved so much pressure!

She kept calling the midwife. I could tell this nurse really didn't want to have to deliver but I didn't care either way. Finally my midwife showed up, she apologized and was surprised I was already pushing. She got ready and came over and within two pushes Olivia's head was crowning!

John was in awe and I was determined within a few pushes her head was out. The cord was wrapped around her neck but her arm was up in between so it was no big deal, a couple more pushes and her body slid out. From starting to push till she was born was about 20 minutes.

They laid her on me and within a minute I delivered the placenta, or more like it delivered itself. I really didn't have to do anything for that. I was just in awe staring at this little baby that was all ours.

She wasn't crying too much which she needed to in order to clear out the mucous from her lung so they brought her over to the warming table. She cried more and coughed up a bunch of mucous. They took that chance to weigh and measure her. 8 lbs 2 oz and 21 inches long.

Then they gave her back to me and cleared the room. And it was just me John and our little Olivia. A family of 3.

I really had wanted a natural birth but I feel like that hour of epidural gave me just enough time to rest so I had energy to push. It gave me just enough relief so I could breath and make sure our baby had the oxygen she needed. And I still feel like I had a natural birth. Once the epidural started working I was already 9.5cm dilated. .5cm was done with the epidural and I pushed without it. So it was almost pointless to have it.

Either way we have an amazing little girl with more determination than I could have ever imagined a baby to have. She's pretty amazing.

Goodbye stuff!

I am not a sentimental person. I don't like keeping "stuff". 

Definition of stuff: anything I don't use on a regular basis.

Luckily, I have a husband who will go along with this.

Since I moved out of my parents in 2008 I have moved eight times. Eight times in 7 years! I hate moving because I hate packing and unpacking and finding new places to put everything. But I also love moving because it means I am forced to go through everything. If it doesn't have a purpose I don't want to lug it around from place to place so I get rid of it. (Just ask John, when we were packing up to move to Utah I had a pile outside our door that we were not keeping! It was great!)

Having a baby makes this hard. She has so much stuff (we are very minimalistic with her and still, so much stuff!) and while a lot of it she doesn't use anymore we probably should keep it. What I hate more than stuff is spending money when I don't have to. If we lose all the baby stuff she doesn't use we will have to buy it again for the next baby. Boo. 

Which brings me to the past few days. I have been organizing (read: getting rid of as much as possible) Olivia's clothes she has grown out of. Leading me on a rampage through our whole apartment. I filled bags with clothes she never wore, were stained, or were ugly, I went through my clothes and did the same (and I'll probably go back through my clothes again). I've gone through our closets and consolidated a lot and bagged up more. I want all the stuff gone!

My plan is to go through everything, which isn't a lot, but there is still too much that we never use that needs to go! 

We are spending the summer in Texas and hopefully will be subletting our apartment to a friend. We are only taking what we absolutely need and I don't want much left in our apartment besides furniture and winter clothes.

So far I have 6 trash bags (bursting full), a huge bin, and a box filled with stuff that we are getting rid of! And that's just from our bedrooms. I still have the hall closet, coat closet, bathroom, and kitchen to go through! 

The Diaper Bandit

So Olivia has this obsession with her dirty diapers... she likes to try and eat them. Pretty gross I know, that's why where we keep the diaper trash can had changed a lot!

Right now we have it over behind the couch in a corner. It's a place we don't really go, and more importantly a place that she never plays and cannot see from the rest of the room.

Well, our smarty pants little girl figured out it was over there so she sneaks over there sometimes to try and binge on her diapers.

Tonight she walked along the couch over to where I keep my purse and kind of reached for my keys and waited for us to see her. When we looked at her and then looked away, she got down and crawled over to a bin we have next to the trash can full of stuff we need to get rid of and started playing with that. When we weren't looking she then went and as fast as she could crawled to the trash can, grabbed a diaper and started crawling around manically (evasive maneuvers?), randomly putting it in her mouth, and kind of giggling/breathing quickly. She was so proud of herself!

Read your baby not the books

This is dedicated to my best friend of 16+ years.

Some of our friends from high school had a mini reunion after Christmas with our husband's, babies, preschooler, and baby belly.

The preggo would be the aforementioned best friend.

She asked for Baby advice and after me saying you're the mom do what works and her saying she still wanted advice, I feel the need to clarify my response.

Before Olivia was born I researched like crazy. (seriously ask my husband)  I researched everything there was to know about pregnancy, birth, and taking care of a baby. I talked to friends with kids about it all. Maybe it was the child development mind of mine or maybe I was just obsessive, either way I read more articles and books about everything baby than anyone could ever imagine. I was prepared.

Then my pregnancy through me for a loop. All the fool proof ways to rid "morning" sickness did not work. I tried everything and still I was throwing up everything that went in my mouth, all day, all night, at least 10 times a day everyday till about 17 weeks.
The rest of my pregnancy followed suit and was pretty miserable with none of the tricks to ease the discomforts working.

I had read more than you can imagine on labor and when it came I thought I was golden (already dilated to almost a 7 when I got to the hospital and barely feeling the contractions). 10 minutes after we were admitted I was literally on the floor with each contraction. They say they only last 1 minute with a few minutes in between, more like 2 minutes with 30 seconds in between and staying at the peak (off the charts) for over a minute. Not what I had read and not what everyone had told me.

She was born, my amazing little girl. We knew the drill, breastfeeding is best, swaddle them to sleep, always on their back to sleep. Well, I'm still nursing but we discovered that nursing was causing her lots of painful gas, no more dairy for mama. She hated being swaddled and to this day will ONLY sleep on her stomach (I know stomach sleeper=death).

At 6 weeks old she had a fever, took her to the er and doctors almost mockingly say just give her Tylenol it's just a fever. A week later she was admitted to the hospital and turns out she has a defect in her kidneys.

It seems as though I have the child that is the exception to almost ever rule. It's challenging but she's great.

That was a bit of a rant but the point is reading all you can and getting all the advice you can is great, it's definitely necessary but it's far better to read your baby than the millions of books that all contradict each other.

When it comes down to it your gut feeling of what to do is what you should go with. You are the mom, meaning you are literally hardwired to keep your baby alive and happy, and only you will know how to do that for your baby. So take what you've read, take what people share with you, do what works throw out what doesn't, be the mom, and don't be afraid to parent the way you want no matter what people think of it.

Oh and her are some tips from me. ;)

Baby wearing is a lifesaver. (I went through 3 different carriers before I found one that Olivia liked but seriously the best)

White noise makers are amazing, especially one with a heart beat. (they have apps, get one I promise you'll use it)

If you can get your baby to take a bottle occasionally it will save your sanity. (not that I have that luxury but I wish I did sometimes)

An old or extra phone case for your phone should be left lying around, better for Baby to chew on that than your actual phone and cause water damage or something

Breathable bumpers for the crib if he moves in his sleep a lot. Better than having a baby wake up screaming because it's arm or leg is stuck and safer than normal bumpers.

Yogurtland spoons make the best baby spoons.

cornstarch mixed with olive oil is an amazing diaper rash cream

Motherhood is insane. And you will feel crazy most days but it's pretty great when you have a baby snuggled up on you. You're going to be a great mom.

Mom's Don't Get Sick Days

The day after Christmas I woke up with a sore throat. By the next evening my head was pounding and I was congested beyond belief. I felt horrible, so I went to sleep early hoping a good night sleep would help. But then I remembered I am a mom, a mom who nurses her baby, a mom who's nursed baby will not for the life of her take a bottle, so when she wakes up at night, I have to get up to feed her. 

Since I was sick and I have the most sympathetic baby ever she decided to wake up to eat 3 times and a few times in between. It was great.

Fast forward two days and I am basically better! 

A few days more, I have a sore throat and my ears itch. 

The next day, my throat hurt SO bad and I had basically completely lost my voice and I felt HORRIBLE. 

Remember that sympathetic baby of mine? GROUCHY!!

The next day, which was yesterday, I still felt pretty awful, I was exhausted, and Olivia was surprisingly happy being independent most the day. So I closed the door that leads from the living room to the rest of the apartment and I laid down and fell asleep while she played. I woke up to her on top of me trying to pull my hair out, which feels great I might add, and saw the disaster she had created. She had pulled every book off the shelf and scattered them all over the room, all her toys were out, and she had gotten ahold of some junk mail and ripped it apart and it was everywhere! While it didn't take more than 5 minutes to clean up it was really surprising to wake up to. 

A few hours later she was mad! She wouldn't take a nap and she was just a grouch. John got home and she was still grumpy, he started dinner and I tried to get her to go down for a nap again even though it was too late for a nap but she just screamed. Then we gave her some orange slices and John made me go lay down. 

Being sick and being a mom don't really go together, especially with a baby. She needs/wants me all the time and doesn't understand that I'm sick. I'm just glad I have an amazing husband that will make me go take a nap while he takes care of things.